Do you have more than one child? There are several of us out there with just one baby, contemplating the prospect of adding another munchkin to the family. Your input would be appreciated. How did your second child affect things? What are the positives and negatives of two (or more)? What about your marriage? What are some things you recommend couples to think about before having another child? How did your first child react? Do you recommend any kind of spacing between children and why? What has helped you most in managing your children?
These are just a few questions. Honestly, I'm not sure that I even know the right questions to ask. If you have two or more kids, please post ANY thoughts on this. If there are other questions you would like answered, feel free to post those as well.
Thank you!! :)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Well, I don't have multiple kids yet, but I can say many of the moms I know with multiple kids have said that sometime after 2 is a good time. That is what we are shooting for :). Now, I can see why. Aside from the fact that you can work on getting one potty trained and in a big boy bed before #2 arrives...there are other reasons that I was told. Of course, anyone will love a baby no matter when he/she comes :), but as for spacing, I can see that now as our little guy is a little over 2, he can understand so much more and is really helpful. Where as, before he was 2, even though he "seemed" more grown up, many of my friends with kids in the younger than 2 crowd dealt with a LOT of issues with acceptance, helping, & jealousy. Of course, I think you will deal with some element of these issues at any age, but this is just what others have told me....I guess I'll have to see for myself what they are talking about! I have thoroughly enjoyed these 2 years I have had with my son to really pour some time into him and now am looking forward to start planning another one...but, hey, I know people that had one right after another (getting preggo when one was at 8 months) and they overcame some of the jealousy and now their girls are really close sisters. I guess there are just pluses and minuses to both :)
I've also always heard from friends that there are pluses and minuses to both. The closer together they are, the more work for the parent (two in diapers, etc), but I've actually heard that there is less sibling rivalry (different kids must react differently, huh?). That was our biggest problem when baby #2 came. My oldest was 2yrs, 2mo when we had the second, and it was really hard on everyone. I realize that I didn't handle things as well as I could have. I let Anna (the oldest) off the hook for all the rules and boundaries she was used to because I felt so sorry for her. I think, looking back, that she needed the structure to remain intact in her life, since everything else was turned upside down. For instance, she quit taking naps cold turkey the day Aletheia (#2) came home, and never started up again. If I had been more strict about it, she would have been better off, and so would I! So, my advice is to keep the rules and structure as much the same as possible. BUT, do everything you can to notice child #1- when you're nursing the baby, read to the toddler... when the baby is asleep play a game with the toddler... if you're in the middle of playing with #1 and the baby wakes up, sometimes say, "You'll have to wait a minute, baby, because Mama is playing with Anna." (of course, only for a minute, but it will help the toddler see that she isn't ALWAYS put off in favor of the baby). Put a sign on the door when visitors come saying, "Please greet the 2yr old first and pay attention to her". Prepare your toddler ahead of time: "The new baby can't talk the way a big girl like you can, so all she can do to tell us she's hungry or tired or cold is to cry. She'll cry a lot. Maybe you and I can work together to help take care of her." And be careful of telling the toddler that she'll have a new brother to play with, because she might be disappointed that this little baby can't even hold a toy, let alone sit on the other side of the seesaw.
Think about what you want to do differently (or the same) the second time around and start on it right away with the second baby. With me, I had not done enough sleep training with my first, and it was stressful to try to teach her after she was in bad habits. So the second time around I taught my baby to fall asleep on her own from day one, which was so much less stressful and made my life a lot easier.
Another thought- when you're used to nursing a bigger child who can hold up her own head and knows how to nurse, it's really easy to forget all the tricks of nursing a newborn. Be sure to see the lactation consultant in the hospital or read up again on nursing a baby so you don't have trouble getting her to latch on.
The good news is that after you've been the sole entertainer of your first baby while also trying to do laundry and make dinner, when baby #2 is a few months old and starts to notice that there are other things on the planet besides her mother's breast, an older sibling is great entertainment. That frees you up to get a few things done while the baby ISN'T screaming for attention. Plus, you're much more calm and practiced with your second, so it's a little easier that way, too. What a blessing siblings are to each other! Good luck to all of you who are planning your second. The blessings absolutely outweigh the difficulties.
Well, hmmm....this is a tough question. Just like when people ask when is a good time to start your family, there is NEVER a PERFECT time to add to your family. (I'm not much of a perfectionist, so that part of life is easy for me)
In our house Sam and Ethan are 17 months apart to the very day. Ethan and Gabe are almost 27 months apart and Gabe and new baby will be about 30 months apart. People ask me all the time how it is having them so close together. I personally love it!!
Funny story about Sam and Ethan...when Sam was about 6 months old we lived in a really, really old NASTY house on Fort Riley. It was a two bedroom, had one bathroom (which was upstairs), was infested with tics, brown recluse spiders and bats and the laundry was in the basement (which we shared with our neighbors) and was down about 20 rickety steps. Needless to say, it was close to hell on earth! I knew I was done when I found a tic in Sam's crib. Well the only way to get a bigger house on post is to have another baby. I was more then willing to have another baby to get out of that DUMP. Two months later I was pregnant and four months later we moved into a brand new house on post. I will NEVER regret that decision. In saying all that having them so close together was a challenge. Most of their baby time is a blur to me. I have one distinct memory of going to the grocery with Ethan in the baby Bjorn and Sam in the cart and having to stop midway through to feed everyone because everything takes longer with two babies!! I will say, my life with my children has always been trial by fire. Greg is always pulled away by the Army for long periods of times right after we have our babies so I have no choice but to just suck it up and move on with life. My motto in life is "Laugh or Cry". There have been so many times I have wanted to cry, but laughing sure makes it a whole lot easier!!
Sam and Ethan are now the best of friends. I really honestly had no problems with sibling rivalry. Sam is a pretty laid back kid so that could be part of it. Yes I had two in diapers at one time, but I also quickly had two in underwear!! Anytime we go somewhere and the other isn't there they always say they wished their brother was there. I hope it stays that way. The downside of this is that it has been extremely hard for Gabe to break through and be part of that brotherly bond. (It's getting easier now that Sam is at school all day)
Having one baby KICKED MY BUTT. I literally thought I was dying!!! Having two kids was hard too, not quite as hard, but hard. I thought going from two to three was a breeze. Greg left for a year 12 days after Gabe was born, so I basically did everything on my own from day one, but it really wasn't that bad. I am excited to see how baby number four changes the dynamics again in our family. I have heard it said that once you have three you could have ten, but I have also heard it said that the fourth was the baby that pushed them over the edge.
More power to anyone who has their kids farther apart. I personally want to be done having kids by as close to thirty as I can. We may still have another one, so baby number four and five will probably be close too.
I will say the one thing that helped me survive was having my children on the BabyWise method. They all slept through the night at about 9 weeks which really saved my sanity. And I'm with Jeanette, stay on schedule as best you can, even when new baby comes home. I guess the best advice is pick your fights with you children wisely and the ones you do pick MAKE SURE YOU WIN NO MATTER WHAT (sometimes this is impossible but do your best). When people ask how I survived a year long deployment with three children under three I always tell them, I maintained control of my house and my children knew who was boss. That's not me being smug, that's just survival in a kid eat mom world.
Okay, sorry for such a long rambeling post. Hope this helps...now go forth and make babies :)
Heather
Hi, Shelley--I just found your blog! :-)
I'm an older mom (38), and I had my first in 2003 and just had my 2nd, Sam, 11/30/06. I thought I had the whole mom thing down pat until Sam calme along--the first 3 months have been SUPER challenging. Max, my oldest, has been really great with the baby, but Sam got RSV right after he was born and was really sick for about a month, and I feel like it took us until just recently to get back on track.
The most surprising thing with more than one is the effect it takes on your marriage, I think. One seemed to slip in pretty well with our already established lifestyle, but 2 requires you to revolve more around them, and just focus more on them--thus cutting in to your couple time. I'm finding you really have to fight to make your marriage a priority with more than one kid (and babysitters are a little more reluctant to take on 2, too!).
Oh--and sleep becomes completely optional. Forget sleep. :-)
Post a Comment