Lewis and I are getting ready to take our first road trip. I'm kind of excited, and kind of afraid! We're not sure if he's teething or what, but his diapers have been disgusting(which is REALLY unusual for him) and he's been very fussy--chewing on everything etc. So the car ride could be soothing, or we could have to make a lot of stops to freshen up. We'll see how it goes. We're picking up my sister in Louisville for the last 6 hours of the journey which will be very helpful!
This week has been strange. I guess the plight of the woman includes varying emotions. The last few days have been a roller coaster for me. Lewis seemed to be learning a lot and then he went on a kissing strike and a talking strike which we added to his constant mobility strike. All that together made me feel like bad mother for a couple of days. I'm sure that others out there feel like this sometimes. You look around at other babies, (and of course we all know we're not supposed to compare because babies all develop at their own pace) and you wonder if you're doing a good job of helping your offspring learn all the things he needs to get through this life. After some good crying spells, and a little time away from the little guy, my emotions turned around. Lewis woke up Tuesday morning giving kisses without being prompted and generally acting like he loves me, and my joy as a mother returned almost instantly.
It occurred to me that we learn the same things over and over in life. Our joy and satisfaction is supposed to be found in Christ, but we continually try to find contentment in other things and realize again and again that nothing else fills the void. Just like Lewis, some things we have to learn again OR just remember that we already know them in the first place. I wish I had some more wisdom to share this week, but that's all I've got for now. Hopefully we'll survive the trip and have some stories to tell later. :)
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A new mom's musings on parenting, community, and how it all fits into her walk with God and yours! Feel free to post comments, questions and opinions and to respond to anyone else's comments or questions.
3 comments:
Ya know....just when you think you have totally screwed your kids up and that they are destined to be social rejects the Lord gives you a little encouragement.
Greg and I have been worried about one of our children. I won't say which one, but it will probably be obvious. He is a wonderful, sweet boy but when I watch him around big groups he seems to be very akward. Yesterday he had to make a phone call to RSVP to a birthday party, when he did I was amazed at his poise and presence one on one with his friend. Thank you Lord!! All my concerns were washed out the window. God has a plan for him, even if it's not the plan he had for me or the plan I have for him. (Does that make sense?!)
Good luck on the road trip. Nasty diapers do often equal teeth. YUCK!!
Heather
My latest mom guilt is when the day nears an end, and I feel as though I've barely seen Taylor. In reality, we've usually spent all day together, but I think I stay so focused on other things that even with her on my hip it's as though she isn't there. I'm not sure if that's how it actually is, or if that's just how I feel when I'm tired at the end of everything. I'm trying to focus more on being in the moment.
Your last paragraph, about our joy and satisfaction being found in Christ reminds me of what the speaker at the latest MOPS meeting I went to had to say. Mine will be a poor paraphrase, because she was really a good speaker and I'm not so good at remembering. But basically she was discussing the need to keep everything Christ-centered. We can fix behaviors with our children as they get older through discipline, but her goal was to teach us to instill Christ-like desires in their hearts that would transform them from the inside out. Anyway, any form of complex discipline is a long way off for the two of us, but it was an excellent talk to stick in my pocket for later. All that is really to suggest that you join me next month at MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers). I think you would really enjoy the speakers.
That MOPS thing sounds like something I would have liked to hear! Shelley, anyone who sees you with Lewis can see what a great mother you are- you are so patient and cool with him... that isn't easy with a baby. Whatever you teach him, it will certainly be focused by your obvious love for God. He'll pick that up, and nothing else matters. (But he's developing just fine anyway).
I know what you mean about feeling like a failure as a parent. I find myself struggling with that at times, but for me it is kind of a microcosm of my work in the kingdom. For example, one issue I deal with is the obedience of my kids. I want them to learn respect for adults and obedience with a good attitude, and I can say it's for their own sake, but if I'm really honest, I know it's sometimes really for my own sake. (I certainly don't mean to imply that you do that with Lewis... this is just me I'm talking about.) It's embarrassing if they disobey because it shows the world I'm not in control of my household. I feel like I put so much effort into teaching them and guiding them, and sometimes they don't seem to be getting it. That can be humbling (and frustrating). I'm reminded of something Mother Teresa used to say, while she toiled away year after year, caring for the dying (a task that may seem hopeless): "Faithfulness, not success." I am asked to obey the calling of God whether or not it turns out the way I expect or want, and it has NOTHING to do with how it makes me look! When my contentment comes from God, like you said, I don't have to depend on how my kids act to feel good about my work with them, and I also find more strength and perseverence to keep on working with them even when I don't see much progress.
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