"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to this life?"--Matthew 6:25-27
It's been over a month since I posted anything, and probably longer than that with anything of any depth. I'm close to being 38 weeks pregnant and have been having all kinds of stressful thoughts creeping in all the time. Lewis came at 38 weeks so it seems like it could be any time now, but I even doubt my ability to know the signs of labor.
Adding to my stress lately has been another flea infestation. We had one last year that was definitely worse. Still, the idea of bringing a newborn home to get bitten by fleas is not a happy one! We got rid of our cat, who was actually helping the situation with her Frontline treatment, but I do feel better that there is not cat fur everywhere. All in all, it feels like we are winning the war now........but it all started May 1st, so it's been a struggle that has robbed me of sleep and given me that itchy feeling all over that is quite frustrating.
Another area of fear involves caring for two kids who can't speak! Lewis is not making much progress in communication. He has learned one new sign in the last 3 months or so. The state has denied our request for additional speech therapy (and oddly, recommended we lessen the amount to twice a month instead of once a week......I guess because progress is not being made?). Financially things are always tight for us too, but knowing another child is coming into our lives has added to the stress of that also, causing more than a few arguments with my dear husband.
It seems like lately as I look at things it has been easier to be frustrated or spin my wheels trying to do what I can to make things better instead of really seeking the Lord and his plan in all this. It's dawned on me that the fleas are probably more a wake-up call meant to push me over the edge in my dependence on the Lord. I feel like I've been carrying this huge burden and God is whispering, "Hello!!! I'm right here, hand all that over and let me carry it."
Sadly, much of my spiritual enrichment lately has come from Streams in the Desert, the little devotional book put together by L.B. Cowman. Not that it is bad....I just long for time and energy to dig deeper. This week, many of the readings have been about enduring through trials and seeing God's blessings through them.
"You are suffering through these tests, but know that God sees sweet flowers of faith springing up in your life beneath these very trials. You try to escape the pain, yet God sees tender compassion for other sufferers finding birth in your soul. Your heart winces at the pain of heavy grief, but God sees the sorrow deepening and enriching your life.
No, my friend, it is not raining afflictions on you. It is raining tenderness, love, compassion, patience, and a thousand other flowers and fruits of the blessed Holy Spirit. And they are bringing to your life spiritual enrichment that all the prosperity and ease of this world could never produce in your innermost being."
I know everyone is dealing with something out there! I'm really trying to rest and trust God's holy character.......that his love for me is constant and unchanging, and he is accomplishing his purposes in my life through all this.
