more than one?

Do you have more than one child? There are several of us out there with just one baby, contemplating the prospect of adding another munchkin to the family. Your input would be appreciated. How did your second child affect things? What are the positives and negatives of two (or more)? What about your marriage? What are some things you recommend couples to think about before having another child? How did your first child react? Do you recommend any kind of spacing between children and why? What has helped you most in managing your children?

These are just a few questions. Honestly, I'm not sure that I even know the right questions to ask. If you have two or more kids, please post ANY thoughts on this. If there are other questions you would like answered, feel free to post those as well.

Thank you!! :)

helpless

"Can a mother forget the baby at her breast and have no compassion on the child she has borne? Though she may forget, I will not forget you! See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands;" --Isaiah 49:15-16

Prayer has become an unintentional focus for me these days. I got a book for Christmas called "Praying the Scriptures for Your Children" (which I highly recommend!). From a different angle, Justin and I are part of a small group that is currently going through Philip Yancey's book "Prayer: Does It Make Any Difference?" It's interesting how prayer and sacrifice go together. It seems to be the link that taps us in to our power source so we can continue to sacrifice for our families.

Yancey suggests in his book that a mother's unconditional love for her children mimics God's love for us. "I think of the way mothers dote on their infants, who offer so little in return. Every sneeze, every turn of the head and dart of the eyes, every whimper and smile the mother scrutinizes as if studying for a test on infantile behavior. If a human mother responds with such absorbing love, how much more so God," he writes. Adults, on the other hand, mirror infants in relation to God. Babies are utterly helpless. Yes, eventually they grow into independence, but they need their parents desperately for the early stages of life. In contrast, we never outgrow our dependence on the Lord. We may lose sight of it temporarily, but we kid ourselves when we try to live independently of Him.

Our children require us to sacrifice much. To quote Jeanette from her comment, "Motherhood presents opportunities to die to self in a thousand ways every day... it kind of gives our selflessness muscle a daily workout. And God sees every bit of it." It is hard sometimes to see the spiritual realm, especially if our house is messy or our baby is crying! But keeping that unseen world at the forefront of our minds gives us hope and reminds us that we can't do it on our own. We are helpless and needy for the God who delights in meeting our every need. Prayer puts God in His rightful position in our lives--our Creator, Sustainer, Provider. It is comforting to know that just because I don't sense His presence one day, He is no less present. We are engraved on the palms of His hands. You can't get much closer than that!

what is sacrifice?

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God--this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will."--Romans 12:1-2

After the last post, there were several comments surrounding the idea of sacrifice. Honestly, that was not the intended focus of that blog entry, but some really great comments came as a result. Webster's defines sacrifice "to give up, destroy, permit injury to, or forgo (something valued) for the sake of something having a more pressing claim." Starting with pregnancy and continuing into motherhood, sacrifice becomes a big part of every mother's life. It is not something altogether unfamiliar, especially to someone who has accepted Christ's sacrifice alone to pay for her sins. Christ modeled sacrifice by giving his life so that we can be forgiven which enables us to stand in God's presence, not on our own merits, but solely on the basis of His merciful act. Obviously no sacrifice we make would ever come close to this ultimate act. Still, we are called to offer ourselves in worship to the Lord, in light of His mercy toward us.

As a believer this means that I must be careful not to follow the patterns of this world, but to allow God to transform my very thinking so that my decisions can fall in line with His will. Some patterns that I would suggest are rampant in our society are greed, materialism, the pursuit of personal happiness (leaving behind a spouse when he/she no longer makes me happy etc.), comfort and convenience. We rationalize sins we enjoy with a loose interpretation of scripture to make it say what we'd like it to. For example, many Christians today think surely God did not intend us to be sexually pure, for example, so long as we are morally better than the next guy. We must take God and the Bible seriously because it is through his written word that we know his character and ultimately know Him!

When we look at God's mercy to us, the things that we give up seem altogether insignificant. And yet, at the same time, these things may feel very painful. These sacrifices, great and small, almost always yield a result of growth. For example, by forgoing chocolate, pre-pregnancy size (or something close to it) can be attained much more quickly. Any of us would say that the outcome merits the sacrifice, but in the moment it can be painful if your cravings are strong.

As a parent, many sacrifices are automatic. If you breastfeed, your day is certainly broken up into 2 to 3 hour segments, which really limits what you are able to accomplish. Personally, I would never trade the result of giving my baby the food that is medically proven to be the best for him. It is hard work, but at the same time it is terribly rewarding and fulfilling. Alone time is virtually out the window, sleeping in is rare and nights out are few and far between.

Focusing on what we give up as mothers can be harmful. Rejoicing in the outcome can be incredibly encouraging.

On the flip-side, we shouldn't feel guilty about enjoying certain blessings in life. Justin and I had a very pleasant Valentine's date this week. With the help of some thawed milk and a friend visiting, we really enjoyed getting away by ourselves for a few hours. We appreciated it so much more because those times are rare. But being away from time to time actually helps us to be better parents because we come back refreshed. Giving up or forgoing a night out would not have been a real sacrifice at all because there would not have been "a more pressing claim" to stay home for (since Lewis was well cared for etc.). Ultimately, each of us is called to give up different things at different times, but God never asks us to sacrifice just for the sake of doing it. There will always be some benefit, be it a stronger character, or a better figure.

This has turned out much longer than I intended!! Forgive the theological tone, and feel free to continue the discussion on sacrifice.

want comments?

To make it easier to read each other's comments, I wanted to make it possible for you to receive newly posted comments via email. Often these comments contain tons of useful and encouraging info, and many of you do not have time to go digging through old posts to find new comments. If you would like to be added to the email list, either leave a comment on this post, or email me at shelleygwen@gmail.com.

God sees you!

"My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip--he who watches over you will not slumber............The Lord watches over you--the Lord is your shade at your right hand."--Psalm 121:2-5

Well, the other day wore me out. Tuesday was a bad day for Lewis. He had a hard time with his teeth and other digestive issues which made him hard to handle. It was Justin's day off (though this is usually on Mondays) and by the time he got up after 10 a.m. I was ready for a break. Justin was more than agreeable to let me go, and so that afternoon, I got away. I stopped in to see a friend, but just for a few minutes. It was nice to have my arms free and I drove around while listening to an old Christmas Conference talk on God. Mostly just how big and awesome he is. The main passage was from Job. It was a nice back-drop to turn my thoughts heaven-ward after a frustrating morning.

Well, I went into T.J. Maxx to see what they had. I love their home stuff. They always have really cool stationery and journals. I was looking at some coffee mugs when a couple of items caught my eye. I picked them up to read the label to be sure, but on the shelves in Bowling Green, KY was the real thing--Polish pottery! You have to understand, after living in Eastern Europe for 2 years, Polish pottery is a treasure, and one that we would travel 13 hours by train to obtain. One of the sacrifices of becoming a parent for me has been international travel. Once you live abroad it gets in your blood and it feels confining to stay in the U.S. for too long. It's not something I think of consciously very often. When I saw that pottery, it felt like God was saying, "You may not be able to go to Poland, but I brought a piece of Poland here to you." It was like he was telling me that even when things seem mundane and trying in my little world, he still sees me and loves me. Often times it seems like my trials as a mother are so small in comparison with war and famine that I forget that God is aware of me every minute. Needless to say, I spent some leftover birthday money buying several things! They now serve as reminders that God is huge and is willing to surprise me when i need a lift.

I highly recommend getting away if the opportunity arises. When I got home, Justin was quite frazzled himself which I hate to say brought me some inward joy. He now understands me a little better, and the absence definitely made my heart grow fonder toward Lewis!

as iron sharpens iron

"As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."--Proverbs 27:17

Thanks so much for all of your comments that you've posted! I have been so encouraged by your honesty and willingness to type your thoughts onto this blog. Even the hard things are somehow uplifting because it seems like we all share some burdens in common. To make it easier to continue introducing ourselves, and keeping up with new additions, there is now a link to that post on the right of this page. Check back periodically to see any new 'faces' on the blog. A few people added comments in just the last couple of days. What a nice way to re-connect or meet someone new. My prayer life is improving just thinking about you all and what you are going through. It is so nice to take the focus off of my own life for a while.

Thanks for helping to sharpen other women! May God grant you some 'rest' this weekend.

how do you do it?

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." --John 15:5

The last few days have been so busy. Our coffee shop taxes were due yesterday for the 4th quarter '06. Monday was devoted to getting those done. The last couple of days were spent with friends and family and doing general housekeeping. Lewis has been teething, sometimes waking up in the night, which has led to some extra fatigue. It has not been bad, but at the same time it has been hard to focus on the Lord for more than a few minutes which eventually becomes evident in my attitude (ask my husband!). I realize that good chunks of devotional time is out the window, and that God is merciful in that (like Heather Morozov mentioned in her introduction), but I would love to hear some words of wisdom on this subject. How do you stay connected to the vine in the busy-ness of life with children? Many of you have much more on your plate than I do so my hope is that you have some knowledge in this area. :)