"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."--James 1:19-20.
Lewis turned one year-old today! It's really hard to believe that his first year of life is over. He is no longer an infant, even a baby. Though he's not really toddling, I'm sure he's moved into that phase of life. He, at the very least, desperately desires to be independent and walk on his own. Still, with his growth comes more moods and preferences. I'm sad to say that his expression of these new preferences lately has resulted in frustration and anger on my part--thus these verses from James to help me refocus.
This time last year I was excited about being a new mom and desperately wanting to conquer breastfeeding and bring my baby home. Now, when Lewis takes what seem to be steps back (refusing to feed himself or eat veggies he's happily eaten for up to 6 months) it is hard for me to deal with. Without taking a breath and stepping back to think, my anger can quickly overcome me. And I can certainly agree with James that anger does not bring about righteousness. It causes me to say things I regret, or worse yet, to more easily give into anger the next time which lends to general grumpiness and a bad mood. No husband wants to come home to a wife like that!
And Lewis certainly does not intend to hurt me or cause me harm. He just knows that for whatever reason, green beans are not as tasty as they once were, and if that's his choice, he might rather not eat. It should be no surprise that throwing Cheerios all over the floor is tons of fun too, right?
It also occurs to me that this is not the worst phase we will go through in parenting. Lewis is not even talking yet! I realize that by choosing to let the Spirit live through me in these encounters now, it will be easier as time goes on to react well when difficult situations arise. My friend, Heather Morozov, always says you have to pick your battles, and I'm learning now which things are big enough to fight for, and which ones to let go of for the moment. Either way, anger does not accomplish anything good.
I write this almost reluctantly, trusting that there are others who struggle with this kind of thing. You don't have to confess it here if you do, but just know you're not alone! No one is ever going to be perfect in any area. I'm sure more failures will come for me in this, but we should strive to to overcome our sinful tendencies through the power of the Spirit. Thank God we don't have to do it alone!
3 comments:
Angry Mom...who me....never....
YEAH RIGHT!!!!
I can remember weeks at a time when I thought, am I ever going to not feel so angry towards my children?! Luckily I find comfort in knowing that my Mom as well as every other Mom in the world, if they are honest, has struggled with the same feelings.
Motherhood is not an easy job. I pray often for grace for all the mistakes I know I'm making and I apologize often to my children. If I yell at the boys , or get a little "crazy", I come back later and tell them I'm sorry and ask for forgiveness. I always make sure they know that what they did is not permitted in our house, but what I did was not the right way to handle the situation.
Heather is right about "picking your battles". Cherrios on the floor are easy enough to pick up, or to teach Lewis to help you pick up. BUT blatent disobedience in anything should not be tolerated.
It's so hard to be a parent. It is emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausting. Your a good Mom, don't be too hard on yourself, and ask Lewis, hubby and God for lots of grace!!
Heather
Shelley,
So funny that you would write this! I am in the middle of my week when my son is at his grandparents and I'm trying to be "rejuvenated" in my heart and let the "angry mama" go that so often creeps in! :)
I think my son can make me more angry that anyone else on the planet...even my husband! :) Yet, letting go of it and realizing I need to teach my son and not just "relieve my own anger" by an outburst is something that is moment by moment at putting into practice. It is the hardest thing I have ever done! I don't want my children to grow up and remember me as the "mom who yells all the time"! :)
I guess I've come to grips with the fact that God's grace is enough to spill over into all my mistakes in parenting too. I'll never been the perfect parent, discipline in every situation correctly or show love at the right moments on my own. Only God can do that in me and our family.
Shelley, you are doing the hardest thing that God has planned for us to do as women...raise a family! You are doing so great and Lewis is VERY blessed to have you and Justin as parents! Someone reminded me that the Lord gave us the responsibility of parenting, but he didn't leave us alone in it. He gave us all the resources we need...and I think one of the #1 resources in it is his grace to cover our own sin and mistakes.
Hang in there! Oh, and good luck with the Cheerios :). Just wait 'til he starts walking. You'd be surprised at how good little fingers can be at picking up their own messes :) :). Just teach him to say "I help mommmy" :)
Love,
Heather
Shelley,
I'm with you sister. I never thought I could get so angry at such cute faces but those sweet little smiles can get very irritating very quickly. God has taught me alot about my anger lately and I am learning that I can't conquer it, only He can. The frustrating part for me is that I think I'm okay and have gotten past that era of sin (yeah right) in my life then tantrum boy enters and all is lost.
The grace of these struggles is that Christ understands and He did conquer and our victory is won.
The blessings are the millions of moments of joy those faces bring.
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