"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."--Psalm 46:1
This article appeared in the Radiant Newsletter last week. The author does not appear to be a mom, but her story is one we can relate to and empathize with. For me, the tendencies to "overthink" and worry about things I have little or no control over can overtake me when I'm not careful. Jannet's story is a great reminder of God's faithfulness to us......even when we don't deserve it.
My Scar
As a curious 3-year-old, I once stuck a metal fork into an electrical socket. You can guess what happened next. The results were shocking.
That was more than 20 years ago, and I definitely don’t stick forks into electrical sockets anymore. In fact, I try to steer clear of anything that may cause injury.
But last year I found myself on a surgery bed. I hadn’t gotten injured doing something adventurous or exciting, like cliff diving or snowboarding. (Maybe that would’ve made for a better story.) The surgeon was taking out a benign tumor in my right breast—something that I discovered late one night after doing a breast self-exam before going to bed. The surgery was minor, and the whole experience seemed both huge and insignificant at the same time. It was huge because I had never gone through surgery, yet insignificant because the tumor was benign and the procedure is not uncommon for women in their mid-20s. So maybe this wasn’t such a big deal after all, I thought. I tried to just move on and forget about the whole thing.
But doesn’t everything happen for a reason? I couldn’t shake this question out of my brain, and the small, pink line across my breast couldn’t let me forget, no matter how hard I tried. Every time I came out of the shower, it was staring at me in the mirror; I bought scar-removing ointment at the drugstore. If I sat in my car a certain way, the seat belt strap would rub against it; I just shifted positions in my seat.
I’ve been struggling with health problems for a few years now. I have a hormone imbalance and I have a weak liver. My prayer has constantly been for God to heal me. Heal me so that I don’t have to take any more medication. Heal me so that I can be stronger. So that I can run. So that I won’t get headaches. So that I won’t be easily tired. Just heal me. And even after all these prayers, I still have a hormone imbalance and a weak liver.
The surgery was another way that I felt physically defeated. I wanted to block out my health problems and the surgery. I wanted to leave things at the surface. But something I’ve learned about God is that He doesn’t just let us float; He plunges us into the deep. If we’re ready, we’ll see what’s waiting for us at the bottom, but
My surgery happened about a year after I returned from a mission trip that had radically changed the way I viewed God and myself. On this particular trip I had gone through a lot of healing and had gained a lot of knowledge and truth about God’s character. Looking back, I see that if the surgery had happened a year earlier, I would have been shaking my fists toward heaven and lamenting. OK, not really, not in the Old Testament sort of way—in sackcloth and throwing ashes on my head—but in the 21st-century sort of way: getting angry, depressed, accusatory and turning my back on God. But when it happened, I was at a place where I had grown spiritually so that I was ready to take on the pain and go into the deep. I knew that God wouldn’t allow me to drown. So what exactly did He want me to see?
Just like any relationship, my relationship with God is confusing and trying at times. I have to consciously remind myself that if God gave up His only son for me, to take away the most evil thing—separation from Him—He most certainly doesn’t want to harm me. There was nothing that I could do to change the situation. I had to give up my worrying and overthinking tendencies and just trust God. The more I trust Him, the more I love Him, because He continues to live up to my expectations—a God who will never leave me.
I cannot do anything alone. It is through God’s love that I can find strength and peace. I believe He allowed this scar to be etched onto my body as a physical reminder that He is with me in the big events and in my most vulnerable moments. Rather than being an ugly mark on my body, my scar now serves as a beautiful reminder that God’s been here for me through all of my physical and spiritual struggles.
And when those new, unexpected obstacles appear (which I’m sure they will), my scar will be a sign of comfort and strength, knowing that I am not alone and God is powerful enough to carry me through hazy and uncertain circumstances.
Jannet is an editor for a Christian organization based in Los Angeles. She enjoys spending time with friends, discussing song lyrics and hanging out in bookstores.
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