"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching." --Hebrews 10:23-25
Lately it seems that many of the people in my life are struggling with "church." Justin and I are no different, unfortunately, as we are currently without a church home. We really don't expect to find the perfect church, but really desire to worship and serve, and impact our community, while still being challenged to practically apply God's Word to our lives everyday. And we want fellowship with others who are also striving to live holy lives. It seems simple enough!
But then there is another factor that we must consider as well. We want to find a place where Lewis will have every opporunity to encounter the Lord too, and where he can grow up learning about Jesus and how to walk with him.
So, knowing that we are not alone, my hope is to hear from some of you through this "survey" about how others deal with this issue. If you would rather not share your identity, that is fine. You can always leave a comment anonymously on this blog. The easiest way to participate is to copy (CTRL C/APPLE C) these questions and paste (CTRL V) them into the comments spot. I'm really not fishing for right answers here, just wanting to learn from you.
1--Name (OPTIONAL)
2--Your kids' ages (OPTIONAL)
3--Many of you have moved recently or changed churches. How has having children affected the whole process of finding a church home?
4--How has having children impacted your church attendance? Are you more regular, less regular or about the same and why?
5--How do you feel about church nurseries? Do you use them, like them etc.? If you have put your children in a nursery at some point, describe your experience--good, bad etc.
6--How has the church been a source of encouragement to you as parents?
7--Complete the statement- "In the area of ministry to parents and/or children, I wish my church would __________ ."
8--Do you have any advice for young parents regarding church involvement?
Thanks!
9 comments:
1--Greg and Heather Spencer
2--Sam 6, Ethan 4, Gabe 2 and Joel due in August
3--Many of you have moved recently or changed churches. How has having children affected the whole process of finding a church home?
Having the kids makes it harder in many ways to find a church home. I know that most of "church/Bible" learning should be done at home but I refuse to go to a church that is not EXCITED to teach my child about the Lord. I want a DYNAMIC well organized childrens program, I don't think this is to much to ask. Children are our future generation and if they don't have a good foundation where will the church be in 20 years? Greg and I often disagree about who should be better "fed" at church, the adults or the children. I feel like I got a great foundation so if I'm not being completly fulfilled at a church but the children are, I'm okay with that. Greg disagrees. We are still working to figure that one out, but I do think recently we've found a church we all enjoy.
4--How has having children impacted your church attendance? Are you more regular, less regular or about the same and why?
I don't know if having children impacted our attendance or just getting older and feeling more independent. I know it is easy to be lazy and blame the kids for not going, but now as the kids have gotten older and understand a lot more...."Mommy, today is Sunday, why didn't we go to church?"....we go a lot more. We still miss occassionaly but I'm passionate about us being there every Sunday morning. I also am REQUIRING Awana from my boys. They enjoy it so it's not a fight right now, but I think Sunday School, Awana, Vacation Bible School, etc as well as home "activities" are critical for spiritual development.
5--How do you feel about church nurseries? Do you use them, like them etc.? If you have put your children in a nursery at some point, describe your experience--good, bad etc.
I am all for a church nursery. If a church does not have a nursery I would not return. I have been to very well run nurseries and I've been to some that leave a lot to be desired. After the age of 2 (3 at the latest) I feel that it is important that said nursery has some sort of "program" integrated into the child's stay. Even if it is very short I want my child learning about the Lord. In Kansas we went to a small chapel on post. At three children went to church with their parents but then went to "Children's Church" during the sermon. I was very strict that during worship Sam and Ethan had to sit and stand with the congregation and sing and pray when we sang. They were not permitted to color, play with toys or act distracting. I actually miss this part of our Sunday routine, at our new church they stay in the childrens program the entire hour, so they are missing key opportunties to learn to be respectful and quiet in church.
6--How has the church been a source of encouragement to you as parents?
I don't know that the church has been a huge source of encouragement to us a parents. I am going to try to get involved in MOPS next year as well as the Women's Bible Study offered at the church. Greg and I would love to find a good Sunday School but so far have not found anything we really like. Maybe if we were in a class we would feel more encouraged in this area.
7--Complete the statement- "In the area of ministry to parents and/or children, I wish my church would __________ ."
I wish the paid Childrens Ministry people were more pleasant. I realize they are busy and stressed on Sundays but if you are getting paid I expect you to be NICE and HELPFUL. I'm feeling less bitter about this but I also feel that you shouldn't ask parents to help out on Sundays. Many of us don't have many sitters or chances to get away, Sunday is often all we get. Either pay people or try tapping into other adults to fill this void.
8--Do you have any advice for young parents regarding church involvement?
HMMMM....GO TO CHURCH. Listen to your gut and listen to your children. We church shopped for months and I insited that we go to church that I thought had the best childrens program. Greg didn't like the church but he went because of me. Sam always wanted to go back to another church we had gone to but I discounted his feelings. When we finally went back to the other church he was thrilled and the whole family, including Greg, has been much happier. I want to be more involved in church, but it is hard with small children. I look forward to everyone elses' take on this survey :0)
Heather
1 Jeanette (accidentally signed in as my husband, Kevin... sorry)
2 Anna 6, Aletheia 4, Naomi 2, Sophia 10mo.
3 How has having children affected the whole process of finding a church home?
We have been down a long, difficult road searching for and following Truth. It has been stressful for many reasons. Having kids has made the process more time-pressured and agonizing... hearing them ask, "What church are we going to today?" was heartbreaking. We wanted to "find it" and settle down before they were old enough to be harmed by our wanderings and lack of answers. Having them made us realize that the only really important thing is to teach them truth... a thousand times more important than whether we like the music or the preaching or whatever. We are SO thankful to have found what we have found and be settling down, teaching them and being taught ourselves.
4--How has having children impacted your church attendance? Are you more regular, less regular or about the same and why?
We were always big on attending every Sunday, so that hasn't changed. We pretty much only miss when someone is sick... but having more people in the family means that someone is sick more often.
5--How do you feel about church nurseries? Do you use them, like them etc.? If you have put your children in a nursery at some point, describe your experience--good, bad etc.
We hold the philosophy that worship is a family affair. I strongly disagree with nurseries or children's church that result in the children being seperated from the parents. I believe kids are capable of so much more than we give them credit for- they can be taught to be quiet (enough) and sit reasonably still, and they can participate in much of the service. Like Heather said, it's an opportunity for them to learn to be quiet and respectful. We DID put our kids in children's church in the past when we had joined a different church, because all the other families did. We didn't want to give the wrong impression to those who put the work into it (that it wasn't good enough for OUR kids), and we didn't want our kids to have trouble getting to know the other kids. But it was not what we desired for our family.
In my limited experience, churches that have nurseries and children's church are sometimes actually less kid-friendly than those that don't. (Of course, that doesn't apply to all) We've visited many churches, and usually have chosen to keep them with us. But then there is a pressure to keep them absolutely silent. If the only people around are adults who are used to kids being somewhere else, they sometimes may resent a little bit of noise or rustling. I've been in awkward situations visiting new churches where everyone around informs us as we come in that all the kids go in a different room, and they all seem so taken aback when we say we'd rather keep them with us. It gives the impression rather quickly that in actuality, the kids simply aren't welcome in the adult service. I find that a bit offensive. I wouldn't let them get out of hand and disrupt. (I do appreciate a room I can go into to nurse where I can still hear what's going on.) Often, the adults need to develop a little bit of patience and learn to say with Jesus, "Let the little children come".
I don't think church is the place for alone time. It's so much more important to let the kids see their parents worship, and learn to appreciate the holiness and reverence of a worship service. IMO, the church should worship as a community- not divided up into peer groups.
6--How has the church been a source of encouragement to you as parents?
I'm learning a lot about the saints- people who have lived Godly lives, whose examples are left for us to follow. Heb 11 and 12 talks about the cloud of many witnesses that surround us, cheering us on in our walk. That has been the most encouraging thing to me as a parent. I know it's possible to raise these children in the Lord, because many many others have done it well.
7--Complete the statement- "In the area of ministry to parents and/or children, I wish my church would __________ ."
This may not exactly fit into that statement... I think one of the most important things any congregation can do is be a real part of each other's lives. I grew up with a big group of kids from church that I spent all my time with. There was no organization at all into a youth group or programs or anything... we were just friends who hung out together. It made all the difference in my teenage years. Now as a parent, I want that same kind of community. Couples need to have each other over, moms need to get their kids together to play. Families need to host parties or prayer times or whatever... we all need each other. That kind of ministry has a huge impact.
8--Do you have any advice for young parents regarding church involvement?
Church is only the secondary place your kids will encounter Christ. Your home is the primary. Make it your daily ritual to pray together, read Scripture, talk about God. Teach your children that church is Christ-centered, not "me"-centered. We don't go to be entertained or stroked, we go to encounter the living Christ and worship Him. They'll adopt whatever attitude toward Jesus, and toward church, that they see in you.
1--Shelley
2--Lewis-just shy of 1 yr.
3--Many of you have moved recently or changed churches. How has having children affected the whole process of finding a church home?
Luckily, Lewis is not old enough to realize what is going on, but it is more challenging going to new places with an infant. Honestly, it has added a new dimension to what we are looking for because we didn't give children's programs much thought before we had Lewis, which is sad. The way he is treated bears much more weight than we would have expected, but we ultimately must find somewhere that feeds adults too. If the adults aren't fed then how can we expect any of the other ministries to work well? We know that we need that challenge from the pulpit to be good parents too.
4--How has having children impacted your church attendance? Are you more regular, less regular or about the same and why?
Having Lewis has not affected our church attendance--we only rarely miss, though we have not been able to get to Sunday School since he was born. Sunday mornings are certainly the most challenging part of our week (schedule-wise)because it throws off Lewis' naptime, but he bounces back well, thankfully. Now that we are church-hunting, we have tried different service times and have still not figured out what works best.
5--How do you feel about church nurseries? Do you use them, like them etc.? If you have put your children in a nursery at some point, describe your experience--good, bad etc.
We like putting Lewis in a nursery during the church service. He is too young to have any idea what is going on, and he is a huge distraction to us and others in that kind of setting. I do feel like parents should have the choice in this and understand that not everyone feels this way.
That being said--Lewis has been in 6 different nurseries in the last couple of months and most of the time we have been pleased with the care he has received. One place made us feel like a nuisance, which was discouraging. Otherwise he has been well cared for and has never gotten sick, which is wonderful.
Our last church had a great nursery and we liked it because we got a break and the people caring for Lewis were always thrilled to get to have some time with him. That is an ideal scenario, in my opinion.
6--How has the church been a source of encouragement to you as parents?
I have found great encouragement in the fellowship of other Christian moms. It has become more of an inter-church gathering, but still, it is wonderful to be able to learn from and share burdens with others going through the same thing, esp. in early parenting where so much is trial and error.
7--Complete the statement- "In the area of ministry to parents and/or children, I wish my church would __________ ."
Listen to the parents and even the kids to better meet their real and felt needs. I really agree with Jeanette on this one because being really involved in each other's lives aids in knowing and meeting the true needs that are there.
I have vivid memories of Sunday School and Children's Church from when I was pretty young (5,6 yrs. old) and can recall learning real Biblical truths from people who loved the Lord. It reiterated what my parents were teaching me at home. My hope is for our kids to have a similar experience inside and outside of the church setting with other believers. Kids will learn most stuff at home, but a community of believers makes all the difference as they grow up and begin to think their parents are less cool (you know--the middle school years!).
So ultimately I wish my church (when we find it) loves kids and seeks to teach them about the Lord in a way that is easy for them to understand.......full of grace and seasoned with salt.
8--Do you have any advice for young parents regarding church involvement?
It seems obvious, but I'll ditto Heather's "Go to church" suggestion. Along with that--one thing my parents did right was to stay at one church for most of our youth. We were at several churches until my oldest sister was 12 and I was 8. We stayed at that church, though it had its problems, for the next 16 years. Eventually my parents moved on, but having a consistent church family for a long time really helped. Obviously, there are reasons to change churches, but seek the Lord, and consider the impact this will have on your children.
The other advice I want to give myself is to not be sooo involved in other things that church and spiritual stuff becomes secondary. As children grow it is easy to have them so active in sports and other "good" things that it can keep them from church, youth group etc. Our goal is to have a Christ-centered home and our time spent based on our priorities. We do not want to live in a Christian bubble, but we do want our lives to reflect that Christ and his church are the priority.
1--Heather (& Val)
2--Val Jr. 2 1/2, Baby #2 due Nov.
3--Many of you have moved recently or changed churches. How has having children affected the whole process of finding a church home?
Having children completely changes what you appreciate and look for in a church. We definitely want a place that our son enjoys and is getting some great interaction and spiritual teaching on his level (and that the children's ministry people are happy to be serving in that area!). It does make things a bit more complicated in that your family now has more dimensions than when it was just the 2 of us. When we were living in Minsk last year, we had to stop going to the church that we had gone to when we lived there because there was nothing for children except to sit in the kitchen with mom or dad while the service went on in the other room. After one or two weeks of this, we realized that we cannot continue, even though we loved the people there. We ended up at the english language church that met in a larger room where he was more welcome to stay with us since it was a larger venue and not so distracting when he would talk, etc.. Plus, there were children's program's once he was about 18 months or so. It was a better fit for our family.
4--How has having children impacted your church attendance? Are you more regular, less regular or about the same and why?
Well, I can't say having kids has made it better or worse. We would try to be there every Sunday but our life is dependent on my husband's work schedule which is retail and means he must work every other weekend and the fact that we have one car in the family. Neither of us like the situation, but it is our life in this season. However, it makes us more motivated to go on the weeks that we can because we appreciate the teaching much more.
5--How do you feel about church nurseries? Do you use them, like them etc.? If you have put your children in a nursery at some point, describe your experience--good, bad etc.
Love church nurseries and would not go to a church that didn't have one! We started putting Val in the nursery when he was about 6 months old and it was great for him and us! We had a great experience at our church in Lexington and I never was concerned for him for one minute and could relax and enjoy the service!
6--How has the church been a source of encouragement to you as parents?
Well, it depends on the church you go to. I think the church we are going to now has been an encouragement to us as people, and that makes us better parents. When we can hear truth and teaching directly from God's word that we can relate to our lives now, it makes us better parents.
7--Complete the statement- "In the area of ministry to parents and/or children, I wish my church would __________ ."
Have more activities for children outside Sunday Morning worship. Our church meets in a facility that is not a church building, so there are not many activities during the week for kids.
8--Do you have any advice for young parents regarding church involvement?
I think just going is the biggest advice. It is hard and when Val was a baby, frnakly, I HATED all the effort to get out the door in the morning. Church just happened to be at the worst time of day for feedings and naps, etc.. and getting ready to go was such an effort for a young, working (at the time) mom and dad that sometimes you questioned it. But, I'm glad we still went as it makes the habit of going easier to continue now that our son is at an age to understand what is going on.
Heather's comment about how difficult it is to get out the door with kids made me think about things that have helped our family in that area. Sunday morning preparation starts on Saturday evening. I have each girl pick out a dress, so I have time to make sure we have the shirts that go under them, tights, etc, clean and ready. I iron them if needed and lay each outfit on the back of the couch with everything from tights to shoes to underwear. Each girl gets bathed or showered Saturday night, and after they go to bed I pack up whatever we need for the next day. Each girl gets a purse to carry with small quiet things in it (though we're trying to cut down on that because it gets a little messy in our sitting area). On my more organized days, I get a drink ready for each and put it in the fridge. I try to choose my clothes as well and get them ready. Then in the morning, we tag team. Kevin showers while I feed them breakfast and nurse the baby. Then I shower while he dresses them. (Or visa versa). We get their hair combed and gather up our stuff and out we go. Oh, and I often have a list of what to bring. All of this gets us out the door so much more quickly and with so much less stress! I have also learned to keep extra diapers, wipes, and clothes for each in the car. That way if disaster happens we'll be okay.
1.Lori
2.Cooper 2, Audrey 7mos
3.Having children hasn't really changed how we look for a church. We are so blessed in this country to have such wonderful nurseries and children's programs that it seemed like it wasn't that much of a factor in our decision. It was harder for us to find one that focused on the preaching the Bible as an inerrant truth.
4.We are a little less regular because there seems to be more illnesses in our house.
5. I love church nurseries. Granted, I always have something that makes me nervous about them. Such as germs and strange people caring for my child but there seem to be more benefits than not. I love working in them because it's the fastest way to get to know other people in your church. I also love when others enjoy caring for my children. It's somehow bonding.
6.The church is a source of encouragement to us as parents becuase it encourages us as believers. I think that without hearing the preaching of the word and fellowshiping with other believers I would not know how to raise my children up in the Lord.
7.I kind of have a different take on what I want from the church in regards to minitering to children. I don't really like the children's programs. After about 4 or 5 maybe sooner I want my children in church with me. I agree with the other women that it is the only time when children can see their parents worship in church and it is invaluable.
8.My advice and since I still have a lot to learn I have little. It would be to go to church and be around people in the same stage as you but also be around the older women and the younger women. God meant for us to be together despite our ages and stages in life. And I have learned sooo much just from watching the women who have already been through the little ones years.
Also I just read some interesting thoughts about looking for churches on another blog, if you want to check it out. It's tulipgirl.com.
1--Carrie
2--Corrie is just one year
3--Many of you have moved recently or changed churches. How has having children affected the whole process of finding a church home?
We haven't faced this yet... I remember last time when we moved to Bowling Green we just looked in the phone book and tried. When Corrie came along we were already comfortable with our church and the people in it, so no extra worries there.
4--How has having children impacted your church attendance? Are you more regular, less regular or about the same and why?
We were MIA for a long time when Corrie was born. I think it was an insane amount, like 5 weeks or something, or it just seemed that long because you're not just missing one day, you have to wait a whole week for the next Sunday to come again. Since then I would say we are pretty regular.
5--How do you feel about church nurseries? Do you use them, like them etc.? If you have put your children in a nursery at some point, describe your experience--good, bad etc.
I go back and forth on this issue. While it is nice to have a place to put Corrie (when I play piano or if we do children’s church) I look forward to when we can sit like a family during church. I think nursery can not only be a blessing to parents but also nursery workers. It has been a good place for us to “share” Corrie with our church family.
6--How has the church been a source of encouragement to you as parents?
I hope Corrie learns that church is a place to serve and in the greater sense be connected to His body, an instrument of love to the world. I am most encouraged when, as a body, we function in a semi-coordinated way, as hands, legs, ears, eyes, etc. When I can serve others and know that someone is in turn serving Corrie is when it works best, I think. I am also encouraged when church family asks about what’s going on in our lives or that they saw something on our blog… Just as a side note too, it never ceases to amaze me when John Baize (or other adults at church) get down on their hands and knees ANYWHERE to crawl around with Corrie. That is a great source of encouragement (and pretty funny too).
7--Complete the statement- "In the area of ministry to parents and/or children, I wish my church would __________ ."
Honestly I’ve been sitting here for a minute and can only think of having a speaker in the nursery for the workers (and babies) to hear the service. Sorry, that’s pretty lame.
8--Do you have any advice for young parents regarding church involvement?
Yes, anyone? Still pretty young myself, but I have enjoyed reading the other responses!
1--Tobiaire and Kevin Utt
2--Isaac 9 months
3--Many of you have moved recently or changed churches. How has having children affected the whole process of finding a church home?
We moved last June from Bloomington, IN. I attend the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (aka Mormon church). The transition for us was very easy. The services in our church are set up the same in every chapel, so when Isaac is old enough for Nursery (18 months- 3) or Primary (Sunday School for youth 3-12) he will know what to expect when we travel to other churches.
We visited our chapel in April before we moved to meet some of the congregation. We were able to talk to a few people who helped us move in when we came. I was able to talk to some of the women and find an O.B. and hospital since I was 6 months pregnant.
4--How has having children impacted your church attendance? Are you more regular, less regular or about the same and why?
Our attendance is the same. Children are welcome in services. I never feel out of place with Isaac. TWe have over 10 children under 18 months in a congregation of 150, so church may be a bit noisy by some standards, but I personally enjoy the joyous chatter. (Parents do take children out to the foyer when they cry). I like that Isaac is welcome in all meetings until he is 18 months. After that, he will attend Sacrament meeting (Communion) with us and then go to his own classes.
5--How do you feel about church nurseries? Do you use them, like them etc.? If you have put your children in a nursery at some point, describe your experience--good, bad etc.
Isaac isn't old enough for nursery yet, but I will send him when he is 18 months. My husband and I taught nursery at our previous church and it was a growing experience. It was structured and included play time, a short lesson, music time, a snack, and an activity. I have not attended here, but it should be similar. I loved teaching and am still in contact with 2 of my kids.
6--How has the church been a source of encouragement to you as parents?
When we first had Isaac, I had a lot of questions. Our church is full of families and I felt like I could talk to other moms. Also, there is a mother's lounge where I feel comfortable feeding Isaac if he needs it. There is a speaker in the room, so I don't miss the talk.
7--Complete the statement- "In the area of ministry to parents and/or children, I wish my church would __________ ."
I'm very pleased with the acceptance of children in the congregation in Bowling Green. I have attended other congregations that do not have as many young children, so I am more self-conscious about Isaac's noise.
8--Do you have any advice for young parents regarding church involvement?
Keep attending church until you find one you enjoy and feel comfortable. I think children should be involved in all aspects of church. I love that I can take Isaac with me and he can sing along with hymns and make a little noise.
This is a link that explains our church set up in more detail:
http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=8f0c6f2e496e1110VgnVCM1000003a94610aRCRD&locale=0
1--Sarah Wilson
2--Taylor is 15 months old
3--We have been needing a church home basically since we married four years ago. Have visited churches, sometimes staying for a while, but haven't settled anywhere. Having Taylor first inspired us to get serious about church attendance, but quickly became a barrier because of our reluctance to put her in the nursery at either of the two churches we were visiting.
4--We were not regular church attenders early in our marriage. Having Taylor, like I said, put our sporadic church attendance completely on hold because we were uncomfortable with the church nurseries we experienced.
5--My worry about church nurseries has kept us out of church completely. At first, I could get her to nap during the service on a pew, and thought things would go just fine. But she quickly learned to crawl and then walk, and lying a a pew just wouldn't cut it. The large church we were visiting made me uncomfortable because safety precautions kept parents from even entering the nursery area. I felt that I couldn't leave her in such a huge corporate setting, passing her over a countertop to strangers. I never even tried. At another church we visited, the nursery was only staffed by one person with a variety of ages of kids. Taylor was mobile and ready to eat anything in her path. I knew right away that the one lady wouldn't be able to entertain toddlers, rock babies, and keep an eye on Taylor too. So a few minutes into the service, I went and got her and we hadn't been back to church since until today. Today we finally visited a new church. The nursery was fantastic and full of toys that Taylor has at home. There was a good teacher to child ratio, and Taylor didn't cry the entire time we were in church. She played with the other children and had a great time. The service was fantastic and I didn't worry about her for a minute because I could tell this church had it together. We were just steps away from the nursery and I just felt so at ease. I knew God wanted us in church, and just prayed that he would keep Taylor happy in the nursery. He did, and we are going back next week. It may not go so smoothly every week, but I pray that it does and know that we need to be in church. We are really excited after one visit that this church may be the one for us.
6--So far, we haven't given the church a real chance to be an encouragement to us as parents, but we look forward to providing Taylor with the opportunity to learn about the Bible at church and for us to spend time with other parents at church.
7--Complete the statement- "In the area of ministry to parents and/or children, I wish my church would __________ ." Too soon to complete this statement.
8--In the way of advice, the only advice I'm qualified to give is to not do what I've done. We've tried two churches over and over again since marrying and they've never fit us very well. When they weren't a good fit for Taylor, instead of searching for a place that was, we gave up. My advice would be to not give up. That's what we've decided. We have to find a church. For our spiritual health and Taylor's (and our new baby on the way) it's just not an option anymore to live as isolated Christians.
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