unconditional love

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; and forget not all his benefits--who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's. ...

The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us."--Psalm 103:2-5, 8-12

Just to follow up on the last post, there are tons of scriptures like this, but Psalm 103 is one of my all time favorites. One of the things that helps me enjoy God most is remembering his unconditional love. Seeing in print that he does not treat us as our sins deserve reminds me that God still loves me despite the fact that I will sin (by falling into it or willingly finding it) as long as I am wrapped in my flesh here on Earth. His unconditional love is real after all!

Carrie's comment reminded me of something I learned on my first mission trip. Ten years ago I went to Nizhniy Novgorod, Russia for 7 long weeks in the summer. I was going to change the world and tell them all about Jesus. Well.....it turned out to be much harder than I expected. There was a certain amount of culture shock I had not counted on having, and as we met students it seemed that many of them were more interested in meeting Americans than in meeting the Messiah.

But one of our fearless leaders, Nate Jones, gave a devotion about God's unconditional love. He said that there was nothing any of us could do to make God love us any more or any less than He loved us right then in that moment. If we were to go and serve the Lord in Africa for the rest of our days, we would not earn any more of God's love.........and on the flip side, if we became absolute sloths and did nothing until our dying day, God would love us no less. There would be consequences to either choice, obviously, but it was so freeing to realize that my works do not earn God's favor. He loves me because he created me, and I will be most fulfilled and satisfied when I am submitting to His will for me.

That freedom allowed me to watch the Lord work that summer. He worked in and through me some, but more than anything, He worked through our group as we enjoyed fellowship with each other. Our joy spoke volumes to many people who were hurting and longing for purpose in a mostly atheistic culture. More than anything, I enjoyed depending on the Lord in a way I never had before.

Being a mom is similar because there are so many days that I either don't know what to do next in raising Lewis or I do not get done what I intended to do. Thinking about this concept of leisure the last couple of weeks has allowed me to enjoy some things I haven't done in a long time, sometimes leaving some chores undone. As always, thanks for your comments!

leisure?

This week I have been thinking about the concept of "leisure." In reading this month's chapter from Joyce Rupp's book (that I must comment on each month!), she addresses this topic under the guise of rediscovering our inner child. Rupp is a Catholic nun, as far as I can tell, and it is interesting to consider her perspective since she is not a parent, and yet takes great lengths to stay connected to children in a desire to keep her inner child alive. It sounds almost cheesy, and yet she takes the stance that children live in deep awe and wonder of the world around them, something that adults fail to do so much of the time. As God's children, we should strive to live in a state of wonder at God, and all the things He's made, and all that He is doing around us. Rupp writes:

"I believe that rediscovering our inner child can have a great impact on our spiritual life. This inner ability to wonder and to be in awe most helps us to become contemplative. Contemplation is the prayer of quiet in which we are at home with God. We do not need words. We can be content simply to look upon God and to have God look upon us with great love. Contemplation is the prayer of being in God's presence. Our inner child helps us to enjoy being over doing. In contemplation we do not worry about the success of our prayer or if God is going to answer our prayer or if we are praying the right way. We are simply being with God and enjoying God's presence.

"I once ready a translation of Psalm 46 that had the line 'Have leisure and know that I am God' rather than the familiar 'Be still and know that I am God.' In our true leisure times we can learn to be more receptive, more open, more peaceful, and more ready to recognize the many gifts in our life. Leisure is more than just not doing anything. It is intentionally enjoying life without having to be functional or productive. When we are experiencing leisure we often do not have anything to show for it except a happy heart or a spirit that relishes time spent alone or with others."

I'm not sure about you, but this is a very tough concept for me! It seems like Justin asks from time to time if there's something I want to go do, and offers to watch Lewis.....but I'm so out of touch with the idea of leisure and just enjoying life that it's hard for me to think of something that I can do that does not involve getting something crossed off my list.

The first question in the Westminster catechism asks about the chief end of man, and the answer is "To glorify God and enjoy him forever." Having some leisure time to just be with God, and even do something you enjoy is a wonderful way to fulfill this end. Lewis is a wonderful example of how to do this. He finds it amazing that cabinets open and close, and he chooses to do this over and over just for fun. It's funny that in our society, and even in the church, it seems more spiritual to constantly set aside your desires for work or to accomplish some goal. Really, God's intention is for us to enjoy our lives because our joy is evidence of His glory. It shows that our God is meeting our needs. Our contentment is a testimony to the magnificence of God.

None of this means that work is bad. We absolutely have to keep a balance, but the American work ethic is one that keeps most of us erring on the side of work, success, accomplishments etc.

So.....practically, my hope is to try to practice some leisure in the near future. If anyone has suggestions on how to do that, please let us know!!

incomprehensible

"See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him. He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.

Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens?.......Who has understood the mind of the Lord, or instructed him as his counselor? Whom did the Lord consult to enlighten him, and who taught him the right way?...

'To whom will you compare me? Or who is my equal?' says the Holy One.'

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."--Isaiah 40:10-14, 25, 28-31

Over the last several weeks, my stress level has been gradually building. This weekend, Justin and I came to one of those make it or break it moments, in regards to our business, as "his right arm" (as he calls her) is on her way out. We have all new employees right now and since neither of us spends much time there, we rely on her to hold everything together.

Other factors have contributed to our general stress level. I've already posted about our mice issues, and lately we have added fleas to the list. The fleas (which must have been brought in by our recently departed cat) love Lewis. We have sprayed and vacuumed and yet they have survived in his room somehow.

Needless to say, all of this stuff has made me feel somewhat out of control and like I could lose my mind at any moment. On Sunday, we heard a powerful sermon on Isaiah 40, much of which is quoted above. It was such an awesome reminder of God's power, but also his tenderness toward us as his beloved children. Sometimes my view of God becomes skewed. I tend to think of him as "big" but not HUGE. Maybe I have been away from the water for too long. It seems like sitting in front of the ocean is a clear picture of how vast and endless our God is. He's not just a little bit bigger than us. He's not even just a little bigger than the ocean, or mountains. He literally holds this entire world in his hands. I can't wrap my mind around this concept, but I think that it is intentional that God is incomprehensible. We have limited understanding, where His is infinite. It must be baffling to him that I so often question what he is doing. I--in my tiny brain, which He created--think I could it do things better so much of the time.

This passage set the backdrop for a good pleading session with the Lord early in the week. Justin and I do not pray together as much as we should. We were much better about it early in our marriage. But seeing our desperate need this week, together acknowledged our need to the Lord, and asked him to act on our behalf. We prayed about a whole lot of things, but our most immediate need, he met almost instantly. One of our former employees has agreed to work for us again and fill the coming void. We can't begin to describe what a relief this is to both of us.

There are still plenty of things for me to worry about, but I also have renewed hope. I know that God not only SEES us and knows our needs, but he is sovereign, willing, and able to act to meet those needs. It seems like I've learned this lesson over and over, but seeing God work so obviously never gets old.

encouraging article

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble."--Psalm 46:1

This article appeared in the Radiant Newsletter last week. The author does not appear to be a mom, but her story is one we can relate to and empathize with. For me, the tendencies to "overthink" and worry about things I have little or no control over can overtake me when I'm not careful. Jannet's story is a great reminder of God's faithfulness to us......even when we don't deserve it.

My Scar

By Jannet Kwon

As a curious 3-year-old, I once stuck a metal fork into an electrical socket. You can guess what happened next. The results were shocking.

That was more than 20 years ago, and I definitely don’t stick forks into electrical sockets anymore. In fact, I try to steer clear of anything that may cause injury.

But last year I found myself on a surgery bed. I hadn’t gotten injured doing something adventurous or exciting, like cliff diving or snowboarding. (Maybe that would’ve made for a better story.) The surgeon was taking out a benign tumor in my right breast—something that I discovered late one night after doing a breast self-exam before going to bed. The surgery was minor, and the whole experience seemed both huge and insignificant at the same time. It was huge because I had never gone through surgery, yet insignificant because the tumor was benign and the procedure is not uncommon for women in their mid-20s. So maybe this wasn’t such a big deal after all, I thought. I tried to just move on and forget about the whole thing.

But doesn’t everything happen for a reason? I couldn’t shake this question out of my brain, and the small, pink line across my breast couldn’t let me forget, no matter how hard I tried. Every time I came out of the shower, it was staring at me in the mirror; I bought scar-removing ointment at the drugstore. If I sat in my car a certain way, the seat belt strap would rub against it; I just shifted positions in my seat.

I’ve been struggling with health problems for a few years now. I have a hormone imbalance and I have a weak liver. My prayer has constantly been for God to heal me. Heal me so that I don’t have to take any more medication. Heal me so that I can be stronger. So that I can run. So that I won’t get headaches. So that I won’t be easily tired. Just heal me. And even after all these prayers, I still have a hormone imbalance and a weak liver.

The surgery was another way that I felt physically defeated. I wanted to block out my health problems and the surgery. I wanted to leave things at the surface. But something I’ve learned about God is that He doesn’t just let us float; He plunges us into the deep. If we’re ready, we’ll see what’s waiting for us at the bottom, but

if we’re not, we’ll think we’re drowning.

My surgery happened about a year after I returned from a mission trip that had radically changed the way I viewed God and myself. On this particular trip I had gone through a lot of healing and had gained a lot of knowledge and truth about God’s character. Looking back, I see that if the surgery had happened a year earlier, I would have been shaking my fists toward heaven and lamenting. OK, not really, not in the Old Testament sort of way—in sackcloth and throwing ashes on my head—but in the 21st-century sort of way: getting angry, depressed, accusatory and turning my back on God. But when it happened, I was at a place where I had grown spiritually so that I was ready to take on the pain and go into the deep. I knew that God wouldn’t allow me to drown. So what exactly did He want me to see?

Just like any relationship, my relationship with God is confusing and trying at times. I have to consciously remind myself that if God gave up His only son for me, to take away the most evil thing—separation from Him—He most certainly doesn’t want to harm me. There was nothing that I could do to change the situation. I had to give up my worrying and overthinking tendencies and just trust God. The more I trust Him, the more I love Him, because He continues to live up to my expectations—a God who will never leave me.

I cannot do anything alone. It is through God’s love that I can find strength and peace. I believe He allowed this scar to be etched onto my body as a physical reminder that He is with me in the big events and in my most vulnerable moments. Rather than being an ugly mark on my body, my scar now serves as a beautiful reminder that God’s been here for me through all of my physical and spiritual struggles.

And when those new, unexpected obstacles appear (which I’m sure they will), my scar will be a sign of comfort and strength, knowing that I am not alone and God is powerful enough to carry me through hazy and uncertain circumstances.

Jannet is an editor for a Christian organization based in Los Angeles. She enjoys spending time with friends, discussing song lyrics and hanging out in bookstores.