orphan mindset

"This is what the Lord says, 'Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the Lord. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives. But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.'

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" --Jeremiah 17:1-9.

After my ranting of last week, I have been on a quest for peace internally. Granted we all will have bad days, but my response to things has not been good, and my general state lately has been one of anxiousness and fear. I've been afraid that God has turned his back on me for some reason, which biblically cannot be the case. But when we start to go down that road of doubt, our hearts can be very deceptive and we can begin to believe things that are far from the truth!

Thankfully we have been attending a small local church where the truth is taught clearly and without shame. We have been going through Romans and the pastor has made it clear that salvation is the beginning of a lifetime of struggle with our flesh. Before becoming believers, we as humans are content to sin and to try to satisfy the flesh anyway we can. But afterward, when the Spirit comes to dwell within us, we begin to struggle to overcome sin and a battle ensues that continues until death. It is wonderful that salvation is not just from the penalty of sin, but also to free us from the power of sin in our lives. And it is powerful. If we are not winning the battle, sin is probably winning instead. (I can't do justice to the wonderful quotes the pastor gives each week!).

All of this to say that through ingesting this truth on Sundays and in reading a book called "From Free to Freedom" by Rose Marie Miller, I have been finding some victory over this anxiety that had gripped me and rediscovering my position as a daughter of God. Miller talks about how often Christians live like abandoned orphans without a father, trusting in themselves and living in fear of what will come. I've seen a lot of myself in these pages! This is the book that the Bible study group I attended last week will be studying, so my hope is that Lewis and I will be able to go and engage in discussion on this topic.

Having a child brings in a new area with which to trust God, and it is much harder than I expected. But relying on myself and my own plan is far shakier, so it will be something that I will have to continually lay at his feet. Thanks for your thoughts and prayers for us. We are excited about what God is doing in all of us.